Offense

Children fight with each other for what seems like the silliest reasons. Mine are no different, even as I am typing this, I have had to stop already to intervene in a battle over who can use the shiny mechanical pencil. (Are you kidding me?!?) For the past year and a half, I interrupt my girls fighting with one question.

“Is this clash important or can you use all that energy to debate something that will change lives, like end human trafficking or solve world hunger?”

More often than not, they stop and realize what they have chosen to be mad over is not worth the hate they are putting out there. This week I threw another question in the mix after they have resolved to stop fighting, asking my girls “What is Good?”  Simple enough, but this has challenged them to really consider in the aftermath of the fight.  Taking it one step further, they now consider that their fight may not be worthwhile, and they have to think about something good in their life.

I have just about quit watching or reading the news. I am down to getting highlights from two daily five-minute podcasts from both sides of the spectrum. While this may leave me out of the loop, it has also lightened my load of superfluous hate being spread through politically aligned news feeds filling my screen.  I want to gather everyone into the same room and ask them, “Is this clash important or can you use all that energy to debate something that will change lives, like end human trafficking or solve world hunger?” and “What is good?”

One job I have as a follower of Christ is to share the good with as many people as I can. To show each individual the love that is overwhelmingly good, the love from God that keeps us and restores us. Mark 16:15 say, “Go into all the world and proclaim the Gospel to the whole creation.” Gospel is the Old English translation of the Bible that simply means Good News.

What is the good news?  In one word it is Love. Simple, unassuming, love.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in Him would not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

The Good News of God’s love is our goal, to be that love for people both inside and outside the church. My husband is great at this, telling everyone that Jesus loves them. It comes so naturally, and he is unafraid to show that love to people.  Surprisingly, I am not great with the words portion of this, due in part to my fearful introverted side, but I keep in mind to show love as I move about my day. No, I’m not perfect at this and yes I do get angry, especially at the person on the phone thinking they are driving remarkably, while constantly crossing that delicate yellow line meant to protect us from each other. (that’s a whole other story)

How can we show love? Going forward, I challenge you to figure out if the differences we see in people is worth a fight, then ask yourself, “What is Good?”  

It is hard to look someone in the eye and hate that person if you see them through the lens of God’s Love.

Have a blessed day and look for the beauty among the rubble.

Balance

Trees are fascinating.... to watch, to climb, to listen to, to sketch, to sit under.

I am drawn to their natural balance, inspired by the patterns found as the limbs grow in opposite directions and the roots spread undetected beneath the soil.

A few years ago I planted a half dead willow tree in my front yard, dutifully nursed it back to health and watched it recover. This little sapling grew into a fierce beast able to withstand the elements while maintaining it's serenity. It freely dances in the constant breeze and is able to hold a yoga pose in the intense high desert wind that tears through our little valley, all the while, the leaves, along for the ride, are singing in harmony as they fight to stay aboard the shifting limbs.

Once a year I trim the straggly branches  that are not pleasing to the eye or that have altered the shape I desire from it. This had proven to be a challenging goal to attain. The same wind that send my front yard into full choral arrangement also beats against the west side creating a permanent bend in the trunk. (oh I know what you green thumbs are thinking and I did put additional support with fence posts and rope when it was a sapling, but the perpetual blasts of wind were simply too much)

The tree stands, misshapen, but still she stands with a tall unique silhouette marking the north side of my home. 

While the top visible part shows imperfection to even the untrained eye, that which cannot be seen holds the tree in it's place, immovable even in the toughest gusts. This is the best part.  At least half the tree is underground, where no one can see it, no one can hurt it, no one can change it. Aw, to be like a tree, to hide most of myself in the ground, safe and simply left to grow. But I can be like this, by storing my dreams in the hands of God, placing my fears upon the footstool of The Almighty.

My strength comes from that which cannot be seen by the world.

As I move and change within this world, I make mistakes that can unbalance my existence and draft a haphazard silhouette. As time changes the seasons and I allow God to have His way, the lopsided branches are trimmed and the roots grow stronger.  Knowing this I can ask, "Am I ready to place my growth into the hands of the one who designed my pattern." If I truly hand over my path to the Creator, I will find that less of me will require trimmings and more of myself will be rooted in His Almighty plan.  

In the meantime I practice finding and walking in balance.  I have yet to maintain harmonious balance for long stretches of time however I have enjoyed the moments where that happens. When the balance of sharing and secluding my thoughts and dreams are on track, still, more often than not it's all or nothing. I either spew everything out on the table leaving the room in disgust at the amount of nonsense that just rolled across their path, or I shut everyone out and hide from the world.

So where is that balance?

How do I keep my roots hidden in the Lord while living a visible life in front of people?

This is my prayer for all of us fighting to honor our time, our family, our church, our job, (and the list goes on) that we each find the balance of resting and rooting in God while growing outwardly and taking His love with us. 

Have a blessed day.

Dress up?

The majority of my week is spent homeschooling my daughters, watching them struggle in one subject and conquer another. This is the greatest joy of my homeschooling journey, being a part of each win the moment it happens. When my daughter who has fought to learn to read, finally "got it" she danced and jumped with abandon throughout the house. Another daughter so enamored with the romanticism of algebra that she covered my mirror is dry erase equations because the paper was too small to hold this new knowledge. Getting to see the look in my youngest's eyes, as she tries to keep up with her sisters memorizing state flags and continents, winning at the who can answer first game. The look of "the win" is so authentic, so capturing that it drives me to keep going when I want to throw in the towel. It inspires me to try harder on the days each of us are so distracted by the beautiful weather outside, or the sledding hill finally covered in enough snow to coast down. 

Its the win that drives me to keep moving ahead. 

As children do, my daughters mimic what they see me doing by playing school in the room, on the trampoline, even while camping. I hear them laying out lesson plans, and pretending to search the web for that just so right unit study on frogs, or tutor each other through fake subjects with side by side writing in the dirt. The problem is, when they win at this version of school there is no rejoicing, there is no smile. There is no light shining from their eyes, because the win is fake, the result of nothing truly materializing. It didn't go on the transcript, it didn't mean anything other than being a great way to spend an afternoon, a wonderful time killer. 

When they play school, there is no celebration of the wins, because the experience is a forgery.

This began my mind reeling with the idea that I, too, may be playing at life. I asked myself, "How often do I "play" at Christianity?" My initial instinct is to say, "Never, not me, I'm solid." The reality is that I have caught myself on more than one occasion acting like a Christian more than thinking like one. My mind will be telling me that this situation is impossible while outwardly I express my trust in the Omnipotent God. The result of hours spent as a youth pretending o be something I wasn't, I suppose.

As a child I dressed up to become new and exciting characters in life, as a young teenager, I hid my truest thoughts wanting to skate by unseen by those milling in the school hallways around me. Even into adulthood, not knowing who can be trusted with the truth of who I am, too afraid of the vulnerability that left access to my fragile heart.

When my husband officially went into church leadership, out lives became a swirl of tasks mixed with the weight of responsibility over those who are involved in the ministry he leads. The fresh excitement wore off, as it too often does when taking on a new role, leaving me with a list that seemed to grow faster than I could have foreseen alongside a profusion of complaints about the job we were doing and suggestions of how to do things better. It has even gone as far as people expressing opinions on how we ought to run our private life. the result, a total sum leaving me hurt and lonely. I found myself running from the real thing to act out a scenario with no tangible results.

The last two years have shown that I know nothing, I am lost as to what step to take next, because I have found myself playing at Christianity more than living it.

It is easier to play at a task than truly engage in it because if you get hurt, simply put all the toys away and imagine a new scenario next time. 

Its time to evaluate if I am asking God to speak and with a servants heart listen, or am I putting on the oversized clothes and shoes of those who have gone before and mimicking their behavior. 

When the battle is real, the devastation is real, however, the victory is genuine. Its time to put away the dress up clothes and start being a true Christ follower, allowing God to capture our hearts and experience the unfeigned victory in all our Savior has planned.   

Exhaustion or Exhilaration

God has blessed my family with a new home. Yay! It has a bit more space, an extra bedroom and fit our price range exactly.

I love when this happens, when the creator of the universe coordinates seemingly unrelated events to execute a blessing in the lives of His children.

For those of you who don't know, we live in a small home, 2 bedrooms, and have ago long outgrown this situation. While we love our house and have enjoyed making memories here, we began to pray for a bigger, more suitable home for our family size. Since all four of my daughters share one bedroom, and have done so for years, we are a very close knit group with little privacy.  Our tiny home has been enjoyable for years and we have moments when we just scream inside that we are out of space. We have never been the couple that wanted a huge home, just room to put our feet up as we watch our girls live and grow around us. This newer home is that perfect solution for us. It has three bedrooms, a bigger living area and a beautiful sliding glass door in the eat-in kitchen.

 I can't wait until we can be there creating new memories.

During this transition, we moved into our camper and began the packing process. This was going to be a very short term temporary living arrangement, think 4-5 days, that went on for over a month. (I thought the old house was small aaahhhh)

This blessing has brought me to my knees. Literally in exhaustion and spiritually in prayer for energy to make it through,. 

One Sunday after service was over and we said our goodbyes to everyone, I sat at the computer in the church office to type in four short numbers for some record keeping tasks and fell asleep, as did my whole family. I didn't realize how tired I have become in all this back and forth, staying in the camper, continuing on our regular schedule and being faced with delay after delay in the process of actually getting into our new place.

While it is an exhilarating thought to have more living area I have to ask myself, "Am I really living?"

In between soccer practice, painting, organizing kids church classes, preparing camper meals, teaching art classes and all the other worthwhile causes, I have lost it again,. Every so often I have to take an inventory of my life and do some serious cuts to the things I love. There are so many great causes to get behind, endless activities for my children to join, and less and less of myself to give to these things. So I ask myself again, am I really living? This amazing new home will be a major blessing for my family, but at the moment all I can do is beg God for the energy to get out of bed and the grace to deal with my wonderful kids. 

All to often I am here, listing the obligations I have taken on. And each time I narrow down the number to a reasonable amount, I find myself living a life of beauty and grace. 

A life where God seems to be around every corner, under every blade of grass, in the eyes of my daughters and husband. 

When was the last time I felt that way, that God was right here and I had nothing blocking my communication with Him? So I pray for all of us in this busy lifestyle, where things are so easily added, that we can all make the right choice on what is and is not important. I pray that each of us can live life the way it is meant to be, not just piling on the "good stuff" to say we have it, but really looking at those in front of us, living and growing together. God is right here with us

Reproducible Discipleship

Two years ago when my husband was hired as the pastor at our church, he was given a vision to disciple all the world as Jesus commissioned the church in Mark 15:16. Ok, so realistically, he is not going to every door in the entire land and walking them through spiritual truths and life lessons. So how does this vision come to fruition?

How do you disciple the world when you live in a small town, extremely unconnected from any metropolis and don't have a large online following? 

Through months of prayer, studying the Bible and opening conversations with other church leaders, it comes down to the easiest job ever given to the church. Discipleship is not hard, it is incredibly natural, it is an organic part of our walk in this life. Even if you are not into the Christian lifestyle, discipleship is happening, but outside the church walls it is known as mentoring. 

Here it is, the easiest way to create disciples. Develop relationships.

Let's take all the nonsense out of discipleship by making it reproducible for anyone who is interested in mentoring someone. Start by knowing that each of us should have a mentor and be a mentor. You can mentor more than one person although, I tend to only disciple a few people at a time. Considering Jesus had 12 full time disciples and didn't have a 100% success rate (remember Judas) I keep my group to no more than 5. This is not a hard cut off, because if the door was opened I would prayerfully take on more. 

Where are the disciples coming from? Those you work with, those you live next to, youth in your family or your neighborhood, really anywhere you are living, there is an opportunity to teach your skills to someone. Start with common ground. I have started mentoring through teaching someone to knit, hiking with people, creating art, cooking together; something tangible that gives the relationship a reason to exist. Then you open your heart and open a dialogue.

Begin to share life lessons, Biblical truths and always love. 

While there is a place for organized discipleship study, there is also a place for that daily learning, sharing hearts and doing life together. To share Biblical truths, start in the Bible, read through Matthew together. Study it and let it play out however long it takes. You can use a curriculum, just remember to let programs go when they have served their purpose. 

Don't let a good program take place of great relationships. 

As you walk through either one, teach those you are mentoring to find someone to mentor. The goal is to create disciples that create disciples. This is how we are going to reach the whole world. Each of reaches four or five, who all reach four or five. 

The love of God can be heard of through sermons, podcasts, videos or curriculum; however the love of God is experienced in relationships with each other.  

Holding it all in

"What is Empathy?"

I asked my daughters this question recently and got some interesting answers. My 7 year old said "Isn't it sympathy?" I asked her what she thought that meant. She thought it meant simplicity. Well apparently her word association runs off sounds. (I smile and wait for the others to answer) 

My 9 year old said, "I really don't know" An honest answer to be sure. I love when my children can be humble enough to admit they are don't have the right answers. (I'm still working on that within myself sometimes.) 

My 11 year old says as she's skipping by, "It means when someone is sad, you feel sad too." Well there it is, an answer that is close, in most cases close enough, but that's where I got myself into trouble. By being close enough to empathy and missing it altogether. 

Empathy is not feeling the same as others, but rather understanding the feelings and emotions of others. Lately I have confused this within my own life. My husband and I seem to be the people that others go to to vent, to let out their frustrations. This has been going on long before he was a pastor. All these years of listening to people, praying with them and sending encouragement their way has been a training ground for the past year. These tales come in all shapes and sizes. In part they are all tragic, difficult and even quite humorous at times.  Each prayer I have spoken, each hug given, each word of encouragement or a smile offered to those in front of me looking for a way out has begun to grow in me. Not in a beautiful way which spawns from the interaction with the other souls wandering this planet, but in a heavy way of not knowing how to solve the problem or rid them of all their tears.

Along the way I have forgotten that I am not here to fix everything, but to simply be a servant to help the hurting find their way to the One who can fix it. 

The last part of 2017 brought with it many tears through a series of tragic events surrounding my family.  While my family has come across this tumultuous sea seemingly unscathed, I continue to encounter those whose faces hold a dark grief that won't heal, in both faces of acquaintances and those deeply close to my heart.  Through each of these days I have prayed for the hurting, listened to those weeping, made dinners for the grieving all the while piling their burdens on my shoulders thinking I had the way out or that I was stronger than them in this moment.

When did I begin to think that I could fix everything and be there for everyone? 

It is impossible to look another human in the eyes and not see the pain and joy they hold, that is one reason we gather in groups. It is built into our human nature to be part of a community and I believe it is for this reason here. When we are hurting we can reach out to those around us to pickup the slack when we can't take another step for the day. The trouble I have found myself in as of late is that I have been picking up the slack for so many people, even those who have not asked and won't let go of the pain I know they are feeling. It is one thing to act in empathy towards one another, to understand why we have bad days and offer grace to those hurting. It is quite another to think I can fix it all. 

Just like my 8 year olf, who confused the definition, I have also confused it, not on paper, rather in practice. It has taken me some personal time of reflection to let go of the pain these people are feeling and allow them to walk through the healing process that we have all walked through at some point in our lives.  

It is not my place to take on my neighbors suffering, it is my assignment to offer understanding, to be gracious when they run out of courteous words or actions while toiling through their personal battles.

I will continue to think of those struggling each day, wondering if there will be enough money to make rent, or staring at the empty seat across the table, or drudging through the debris of a failing marriage. I can not fix everything. I can only be there when called on and trust that God will fill in the gaps where community fails. 
I challenge you to look your neighbor in the eye and truly listen to them speak to you. Make a conscious effort to notice those around you in the stores, the gas station everywhere you exist. These are not just the faces of empty strangers, but the faces of creation just as you are. Don't take on their troubles, rather listen to them, hear their cries, point them in the right direction, pass out smiles and hugs, make dinners, and most importantly pray. Try not to fall into this place where, like me, you take responsibility for other people's well-being, it is not your job, not mine. It is God's and God's alone to help them in the depth of their soul, where only He can reach. 

Be blessed and find something beautiful. If you can't, then create something beautiful.

Sonder

I tend to avoid made up words, however this one calls to me. It is found in the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, similar to the Urban Dictionary. 

Sonder is the sudden realization that everyone around you has a complex and vivid life. 

This occurs in my mind quite often. I think of those around me while stopped at red lights, or while waiting in line to buy my groceries. Maybe its my way of passing time. This last week that was taken one step further when I realized that not only do all of these beautiful faces I pass have lives attached to them, they also hurt and experience pain. 

Why have I never thought of this before. Each smile or scowl found on a strangers face represents an event that I may never know about. 

I did the only thing I knew how to do in that instant.. I began praying for each person I passed. I asked God to speak to them where they are, meet the need to a problem they are facing and being peace to those who appeared tormented. In some way I began to feel better that maybe my silent requests to God were actually doing good in their lives. Then I began to pray more specifically about those I know, the situations I am aware of. 

At this my heart broke. I nearly began to cry right there in the grocery store. 

The thought of people I know facing trials of various kinds gave me another overwhelmed feeling. How does God keep all this straight? How can He support those who are hurting and rejoice with those who are victorious? Well first, He is God... I mean come on. Then the idea that we are all here together gave me hope. God will use each one of us to be that solid rock for the mother who just lost her child, or that smile and laughter for the couple who just married. We are the hands and feet of God. 

If you are close enough to share oxygen with someone, you are close enough to effect their life. Will your influence be one people look forward to, or will it be one to avoid?

Each day presents an opportunity to share life with family, friends, strangers. MY daughter makes it a point to give a compliments to each person she interacts with. Not everyone takes this well but most people do. In addition to praying for those in close proximity or those in your heart, I encourage you to take time for a smile. Give away as many as you can, they're free after all.

Where in the world?

So I know it has been a while since the last post and I would like to say that it is because I have been so busy since that seems like a valid reason for skipping out on most obligations or commitments. Well, truth be told, I have been busy, but I was busy when I wrote the last one, so that is not the reason for avoiding this page. The real reason lies somewhere in the imagined reality that I have created to shield myself from being to vulnerable.

It is scary to write and have thoughts, normally hidden from the rest of humanity, put to paper and exposed to the world. (or in my case the few of you who have chosen to read this) 

So after seeing the number of readers grow, I freaked out. I know, isn't the whole reason for a blog so people can read your ideas and share them and in turn become rich and famous? Perhaps that holds true for most bloggers out there, however in my case I am doing this because I am reminded of the need to step out of my comfort zone and experience situations and events I generally hide from. So I am back, until my brain decides to rationalize the need to run back to my cave and hide from the big scary world, which hopefully does not happen again.

It is so easy to stay in the routine of life and avoid those people or places that are unfamiliar while pretending to be a strong woman, full of vigor and life, ready to tackle the biggest challenges. And while that may hold a flicker of truth, in reality I only take on what i know I can beat.

It is hard to start a project or follow through with a dream not knowing if it will turn out as expected. 

I have encountered a few people in whom no fear exists, or at least this is the appearance from my point of view. These select few can run out into the dark unknown and take over the situation with resolve that comes from some undisclosed source. I am reminded of the story of Paul and Barnabas in the Acts 13:2-3 of the Bible. 

"While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, 'Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.' So after they had fasted and prayed, they placed their hands on them and sent them off." 

They were sent out to a place they had not previously lived. There is so much in the small word of the Bible that can be missed if rushing through and hitting the highlights. Here it says they were fasting when they heard the call. The two did not immediately get up and run from the building to go out into all the world. First they finished the task at hand, they finished fasting and praying. Again, the two did not rush along to the call of taking the Gospel across the world, they sought the support of their companions, their friends. In the last line it says "they placed their hands on them and sent them off"

The two Apostles sought out their friends for prayer and support before heading out. 

Were Paul and Barnabas nervous to go out and preach the good news to far away lands? What were they thinking when the Holy Spirit spoke to them? I can tell you I would have been sandwiched between excitement and resistance. To have the opportunity of being chosen to do such an amazing job, to take the news of Jesus to those who hadn't heard before would have thrilled my heart. On the other hand, to face unknown places and people would have sent my mind into overdrive on the what if's. Isn't that what really hold us all back, the what if's? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I can't remember where to find the scripture when asked a question? What if I fail miserably? What if the business doesn't take off. What if this marriage plunders? In all we do, whether for the Gospel or for daily living, the thought of what could happen often gives way to not trying. Is it really easier to just put off the dream so we don't fail. I could insert a number of quotes about how failure is the lack of trying and mistakes only make us stronger, but I want to leave you with this. I understand the need to keep the boat steady and stay in charted waters close to home, but great things happen when we venture past our fears, our what if's and move into a place of living outside our cushy chairs. So shut off Netflix, look past your phone and see the wonder of the world waiting for you to leave your mark. 

Pray Without Ceasing

"Teach me the patience of unanswered prayers" 

During our homeschool hours my family studies hymns, choosing a new one each month, and this month's has been eye opening. My daughters and I have been listening to "Spirit of God Descend Upon My Heart" written by George Croly. This line, above, brings me to my knees in humility. God always answers our prayer, albeit not always as we hope. There are times He says no or to wait on Him a little longer. How dare I say to God that I want my answer now, when He has a purpose for for this trial I am in? So looking forward to see how much more appreciation will come after the testing produces perseverance in my soul, I wait for the result while learning along the journey.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 

It is incredibly hard to rejoice when I look at the situations occurring in my family. Now I could list all that I am dealing with, but let's face it, we are all going through something that is testing us. The testing of our faith produces perseverance (James 1:3) This pain and this trial will make each of us a better person, it will build our character, but it sucks is dreadful right now. There is no time limit on God's tests, but for a year I have prayed vigorously only to have my cries met with silence. During this time, I have seen God move in ways that were helpful and encouraging, but not in the answer I need, okay, want. 

Rejoice Always

So I ask myself a question, not to be rhetorical or pitiful, rather to truly find the answer. How can I rejoice right now, knowing what I know, about the situation I lift up in prayer to God each day. Well, the answer came to me almost too easily; the joy of a Christian is not based on outside circumstances. If my husband never finds full time work, I will still serve God and trust Him. God was not shocked by the circumstances of this last year, He was not caught off guard with the second job loss, instead He knew these were coming. He knew then and He knows now what is next. So I can rejoice that He loves me and hears my prayers and has a plan for my family. 

Pray Without Ceasing

There are times when asking someone to pray feels like a cheap imitation of the real thing. We all know at least one person who will filibuster the prayer service with empty words that are redundant so they don't "lose the floor." 😉If I talk to God all the time, will I run out of things to say, will I become redundant? The answer is no, plain and simple, no. Talking to God and taking time to listen will only grow and deepen the relationship with Him. While we  can't get on our knees with our eyes closed every minute of the day, we can bring our thoughts to God. Prayer without ceasing is more of a habit of taking all things to God, in all situations. It is not about filling the air with nonsense, its not an attempt to obstruct God from hearing someone else,
through big words and grand gestures. Prayer is pouring my heart out to the One that can do something about it. 

Give thanks in all circumstances

This may come across as being an optimist at heart. That's not it exactly, giving thanks for all circumstances is vastly different than giving thanks in all circumstances. I don't thank God for the health issues my husband faces, I thank Him for the support and guidance as we figure it out. I don't thank God for low income, I thank Him as we dream, plan and take action for more. 

It is possible to rejoice during hard times, to pray when everything is spinning out of control and to thank God for things unseen. Its not always easy, but it always possible. 

Have a beautiful week

Stephanie

Cultivating Faithfulness

Over the summer I had the opportunity to visit a friend in Missouri. She lives in a beautiful place, full of lush green grass, majestic trees and smiling faces. While we were there, us ladies went to the local winery. This land was filled with skilled landscaping, and a handsome deck overlooking the valley. It was just the sort of rest I needed, a break from the rough patch my family was in, and far away from the coarse dirt where I live.  I can only image the amount of work and hours of labor it took to create and to maintain this serene landing. I was thinking of this small town while focusing on Psalm 37:3 last week each day as I went about my normal, somewhat sporadic, routine. 

"Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness."

The things I learned from reading this verse, writing it down each night, and meditating on it throughout the day, are more than I could write in one post. a short post anyway...  

My life right now is not where I thought it would be a year ago. 12 months ago my husband had a good job and we had a goal we were working towards. By the end of January 2016, he had been laid off due to a reduction of force, and our life changed dramatically. We were not completely caught off guard, as our community has been facing a rapid decline for a while, so we had a back up plan. A few changes in our lifestyle, and we were fine...for a few months anyway. As the seasons changed from winter to spring to summer, we were starting to feel the tightening in our home. Just in the nick of time my husband landed a job! Thank God! I went to work creating a new plan that would get us back on track in no time at all. Just two and half months into this job, he was fired. What!

This can't be possible, to lose two jobs in one year. So out went the plan, again. 

Not much has changed since that dreadful day in November, but we are still here. I have been trying to switch my focus to what I have, not what we need. A small, yet effective part of throwing out the plan and refocusing, has been a weekly memory verse. But it has become so much more than that. I think about the verse, put it on my fridge, read it over and over, and study it. 

"Trust in the Lord"

God has shown me that it is not my job to plan the future. It is my job to trust His plan for my future, and the future of my family.  It is imperative to believe the God of the universe, the creator of my family and myself, had a plan when He put us here. It is easy to say "I trust God" when you have the money in the bank and a plan with potential to work out. When these two things are lacking, and there seems to be no way to get to that point, that is when truly trusting God comes into play. 

 "and do good"

Another layer to this verse is "do good."  Laying aside my plans and ideas was not so easy for me to do. I begrudgingly tossed my planning notebook aside but did not off my complaints. Waking up each day was getting harder and harder. I found us all sleeping in a little more each day. Along with the heavy sleep cycle my family was caught in, the chores and home tasks began to slide away. At one point, I looked around my house and saw chaos. It hit me that God is not a God of chaos, He has a plan. Things not going my way did not give me the privilege to throw a fit like a small child. I had to change my cycle and begin to do good. 

"Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness"

Until something changes in my circumstance, I am where I am. We no longer have a solid executable plan to buy a bigger house so my four children don't have to share a single bed

room. We will continue to drive an older vehicle with minor issues. While I look forward to the day when my dreams come to fruition, I can be here and now and still be faithful to where God has placed me. Today is just as important as the future, if not more. Choices made today will direct the path I go down tomorrow. I can be faithful in my small house and take extra care with my vehicle. For a short time, I found it hard to dream, to look ahead with anticipation, but now I can see my family in a new home, a newer vehicle and still serving God with all the faithfulness we are cultivating today. 

God is teaching me to worship in my home, not just at church. That reading the Bible is vital to me existence, and memory verses are not just for Sunday school. 

I pray this encourages you to move ahead even if that means being content staying where God has you now. 

Stephanie

Throwing Out the To Do List

Happy Monday!

This has been a wonderful week. Much has changed from the being an overwhelmed being running around like I was in the Hunger Games. 

The last several days were permeated with a sense of life and moments of true peace.

Each day upon waking I gave the day to God. Before I lifted my head from the pillow I asked Him what needed to be done. Then I waited until everything on my to do list became clear and I had an idea of priorities. I still made a list each night of things that needed to be accomplished, but rather than going it alone, I give that list a once over with God in mind. A couple days I tossed the list out all together in lieu of unplanned activities, a couple days it went just as planned (surprisingly) and the others it was a little of both. However, when including God on my daily planning ritual, it worked out considerable better. My house seemed to stay clean with little effort and my children helped without being bribed or threatened. I had some much needed time to spend with my mom which hasn't happened in months and was nowhere on my to-do list. 

See God really knows what I need to thrive not just survive. 

Some friends took my children and I to see "Moana" (really fun!) And last night our volunteer project for church went smoothly. There was one minor hiccup, but it was rectified almost immediately.

I may actually like this whole "letting God in" routine. In the past each morning I would wake up and ask God what He wanted me to do in my world today and then I would go about my business. Somewhere along the way this practice ceased and life took over. It is so easy to let good routines slip away and let negligent patterns and faulty thinking take over. While my laundry is still a little behind, my truck needed repairs, my children still haven't finished school, and I did not made it to the grocery store yesterday, life has been good to me this week. Each of these occurrences would have been a huge wrench in my planning, they didn't seem to throw off God's plan. There will always be laundry, that's just life; my truck was fixed with the help of my brother and my dad; we will get school done today, hopefully; and there is still plenty of food in the house.

Since beautiful things inspire me, I drew out (literally) a task list for the week. Decidedly choosing one task to accomplish each day, will hopefully be an easy way to create a routine with God's help. The list is simple, after considering what is going on, where I will be each day and keeping in mind my goal to allow God in, I chose to clean one room in my house each day. Moving furniture to vacuum, clearing clutter from shelves, tossing out unused items and taking it one day at a time.

Here's to a beautiful week, celebrating life with my husband and daughters, finding small moments of peace and relying on my Savior.

Have a wonderful week, smile at a stranger and hug a friend.
Merry Almost Christmas.

To Plan or Not to Plan

When to let go of that schedule and let life happen.

Plans are made to be broken, or is it rules. Either way nothing this year has gone according to my plan. So, God may have thought all this through and has a genius objective hiding somewhere out of my sight, but until its full disclosure I walk with blind faith. Not for big picture points but for an everyday awareness that I am not in control. I have not been in control even when I felt as though it was all playing out just the way it had been arranged to. Like an orchestra that flows from one sound to the next with ease, this way my life last year. But 2016 has brought an entirely different production to the stage. 

Still remaining encouraged, still praying, still hoping, and yet disconnected in a way that is unprecedented, I move forward.

The Lord of all the universe has seen the depth of the situation and knows where this road turns, ends and merges into the next. As I continue on this adventure with God I will write the thoughts and the ideas that help me move day to day in hopes to clarify for myself and help others facing similar circumstances. Together, with God, I will walk onto the next path better and wiser. In the meantime, I will continue to plan with the help of God, ask for His guidance, and watch as things go in a terribly different direction than what I put on paper. 

Daily tasks will be thoughtfully penned onto pretty notebook paper, cleaning lists will so carefully be constructed, menus arranged and groceries bought, all to find that life throws curve balls and almost none of this will go as I thought. 

So join me as I figure out how to let some of that type A personality slowly adapt into a calmer, free flowing spirit that can plan just as easily as go with the flow. 

This year has taught me that it imperative to have a plan, but that life can happen when you least expect it. Today I will write in my home binder all the things that need to be accomplished and then I will allow freedom for exchanges and substitutions of these carefully drawn outlines to life. It is okay to let my husband bring home popcorn chicken and eat it around the coffee table as we sing Christmas carols instead of sticking to a rigid schedule of always eating our meals at the dining room table like a proper family. One day I will find a balance between planning and letting go, but today I will just step out and trust God's plan more than my own. 

Always,

Stephanie