Where in the world?

So I know it has been a while since the last post and I would like to say that it is because I have been so busy since that seems like a valid reason for skipping out on most obligations or commitments. Well, truth be told, I have been busy, but I was busy when I wrote the last one, so that is not the reason for avoiding this page. The real reason lies somewhere in the imagined reality that I have created to shield myself from being to vulnerable.

It is scary to write and have thoughts, normally hidden from the rest of humanity, put to paper and exposed to the world. (or in my case the few of you who have chosen to read this) 

So after seeing the number of readers grow, I freaked out. I know, isn't the whole reason for a blog so people can read your ideas and share them and in turn become rich and famous? Perhaps that holds true for most bloggers out there, however in my case I am doing this because I am reminded of the need to step out of my comfort zone and experience situations and events I generally hide from. So I am back, until my brain decides to rationalize the need to run back to my cave and hide from the big scary world, which hopefully does not happen again.

It is so easy to stay in the routine of life and avoid those people or places that are unfamiliar while pretending to be a strong woman, full of vigor and life, ready to tackle the biggest challenges. And while that may hold a flicker of truth, in reality I only take on what i know I can beat.

It is hard to start a project or follow through with a dream not knowing if it will turn out as expected. 

I have encountered a few people in whom no fear exists, or at least this is the appearance from my point of view. These select few can run out into the dark unknown and take over the situation with resolve that comes from some undisclosed source. I am reminded of the story of Paul and Barnabas in the Acts 13:2-3 of the Bible. 

"While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, 'Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.' So after they had fasted and prayed, they placed their hands on them and sent them off." 

They were sent out to a place they had not previously lived. There is so much in the small word of the Bible that can be missed if rushing through and hitting the highlights. Here it says they were fasting when they heard the call. The two did not immediately get up and run from the building to go out into all the world. First they finished the task at hand, they finished fasting and praying. Again, the two did not rush along to the call of taking the Gospel across the world, they sought the support of their companions, their friends. In the last line it says "they placed their hands on them and sent them off"

The two Apostles sought out their friends for prayer and support before heading out. 

Were Paul and Barnabas nervous to go out and preach the good news to far away lands? What were they thinking when the Holy Spirit spoke to them? I can tell you I would have been sandwiched between excitement and resistance. To have the opportunity of being chosen to do such an amazing job, to take the news of Jesus to those who hadn't heard before would have thrilled my heart. On the other hand, to face unknown places and people would have sent my mind into overdrive on the what if's. Isn't that what really hold us all back, the what if's? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I can't remember where to find the scripture when asked a question? What if I fail miserably? What if the business doesn't take off. What if this marriage plunders? In all we do, whether for the Gospel or for daily living, the thought of what could happen often gives way to not trying. Is it really easier to just put off the dream so we don't fail. I could insert a number of quotes about how failure is the lack of trying and mistakes only make us stronger, but I want to leave you with this. I understand the need to keep the boat steady and stay in charted waters close to home, but great things happen when we venture past our fears, our what if's and move into a place of living outside our cushy chairs. So shut off Netflix, look past your phone and see the wonder of the world waiting for you to leave your mark. 

Pray Without Ceasing

"Teach me the patience of unanswered prayers" 

During our homeschool hours my family studies hymns, choosing a new one each month, and this month's has been eye opening. My daughters and I have been listening to "Spirit of God Descend Upon My Heart" written by George Croly. This line, above, brings me to my knees in humility. God always answers our prayer, albeit not always as we hope. There are times He says no or to wait on Him a little longer. How dare I say to God that I want my answer now, when He has a purpose for for this trial I am in? So looking forward to see how much more appreciation will come after the testing produces perseverance in my soul, I wait for the result while learning along the journey.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 

It is incredibly hard to rejoice when I look at the situations occurring in my family. Now I could list all that I am dealing with, but let's face it, we are all going through something that is testing us. The testing of our faith produces perseverance (James 1:3) This pain and this trial will make each of us a better person, it will build our character, but it sucks is dreadful right now. There is no time limit on God's tests, but for a year I have prayed vigorously only to have my cries met with silence. During this time, I have seen God move in ways that were helpful and encouraging, but not in the answer I need, okay, want. 

Rejoice Always

So I ask myself a question, not to be rhetorical or pitiful, rather to truly find the answer. How can I rejoice right now, knowing what I know, about the situation I lift up in prayer to God each day. Well, the answer came to me almost too easily; the joy of a Christian is not based on outside circumstances. If my husband never finds full time work, I will still serve God and trust Him. God was not shocked by the circumstances of this last year, He was not caught off guard with the second job loss, instead He knew these were coming. He knew then and He knows now what is next. So I can rejoice that He loves me and hears my prayers and has a plan for my family. 

Pray Without Ceasing

There are times when asking someone to pray feels like a cheap imitation of the real thing. We all know at least one person who will filibuster the prayer service with empty words that are redundant so they don't "lose the floor." 😉If I talk to God all the time, will I run out of things to say, will I become redundant? The answer is no, plain and simple, no. Talking to God and taking time to listen will only grow and deepen the relationship with Him. While we  can't get on our knees with our eyes closed every minute of the day, we can bring our thoughts to God. Prayer without ceasing is more of a habit of taking all things to God, in all situations. It is not about filling the air with nonsense, its not an attempt to obstruct God from hearing someone else,
through big words and grand gestures. Prayer is pouring my heart out to the One that can do something about it. 

Give thanks in all circumstances

This may come across as being an optimist at heart. That's not it exactly, giving thanks for all circumstances is vastly different than giving thanks in all circumstances. I don't thank God for the health issues my husband faces, I thank Him for the support and guidance as we figure it out. I don't thank God for low income, I thank Him as we dream, plan and take action for more. 

It is possible to rejoice during hard times, to pray when everything is spinning out of control and to thank God for things unseen. Its not always easy, but it always possible. 

Have a beautiful week

Stephanie

Cultivating Faithfulness

Over the summer I had the opportunity to visit a friend in Missouri. She lives in a beautiful place, full of lush green grass, majestic trees and smiling faces. While we were there, us ladies went to the local winery. This land was filled with skilled landscaping, and a handsome deck overlooking the valley. It was just the sort of rest I needed, a break from the rough patch my family was in, and far away from the coarse dirt where I live.  I can only image the amount of work and hours of labor it took to create and to maintain this serene landing. I was thinking of this small town while focusing on Psalm 37:3 last week each day as I went about my normal, somewhat sporadic, routine. 

"Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness."

The things I learned from reading this verse, writing it down each night, and meditating on it throughout the day, are more than I could write in one post. a short post anyway...  

My life right now is not where I thought it would be a year ago. 12 months ago my husband had a good job and we had a goal we were working towards. By the end of January 2016, he had been laid off due to a reduction of force, and our life changed dramatically. We were not completely caught off guard, as our community has been facing a rapid decline for a while, so we had a back up plan. A few changes in our lifestyle, and we were fine...for a few months anyway. As the seasons changed from winter to spring to summer, we were starting to feel the tightening in our home. Just in the nick of time my husband landed a job! Thank God! I went to work creating a new plan that would get us back on track in no time at all. Just two and half months into this job, he was fired. What!

This can't be possible, to lose two jobs in one year. So out went the plan, again. 

Not much has changed since that dreadful day in November, but we are still here. I have been trying to switch my focus to what I have, not what we need. A small, yet effective part of throwing out the plan and refocusing, has been a weekly memory verse. But it has become so much more than that. I think about the verse, put it on my fridge, read it over and over, and study it. 

"Trust in the Lord"

God has shown me that it is not my job to plan the future. It is my job to trust His plan for my future, and the future of my family.  It is imperative to believe the God of the universe, the creator of my family and myself, had a plan when He put us here. It is easy to say "I trust God" when you have the money in the bank and a plan with potential to work out. When these two things are lacking, and there seems to be no way to get to that point, that is when truly trusting God comes into play. 

 "and do good"

Another layer to this verse is "do good."  Laying aside my plans and ideas was not so easy for me to do. I begrudgingly tossed my planning notebook aside but did not off my complaints. Waking up each day was getting harder and harder. I found us all sleeping in a little more each day. Along with the heavy sleep cycle my family was caught in, the chores and home tasks began to slide away. At one point, I looked around my house and saw chaos. It hit me that God is not a God of chaos, He has a plan. Things not going my way did not give me the privilege to throw a fit like a small child. I had to change my cycle and begin to do good. 

"Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness"

Until something changes in my circumstance, I am where I am. We no longer have a solid executable plan to buy a bigger house so my four children don't have to share a single bed

room. We will continue to drive an older vehicle with minor issues. While I look forward to the day when my dreams come to fruition, I can be here and now and still be faithful to where God has placed me. Today is just as important as the future, if not more. Choices made today will direct the path I go down tomorrow. I can be faithful in my small house and take extra care with my vehicle. For a short time, I found it hard to dream, to look ahead with anticipation, but now I can see my family in a new home, a newer vehicle and still serving God with all the faithfulness we are cultivating today. 

God is teaching me to worship in my home, not just at church. That reading the Bible is vital to me existence, and memory verses are not just for Sunday school. 

I pray this encourages you to move ahead even if that means being content staying where God has you now. 

Stephanie

Throwing Out the To Do List

Happy Monday!

This has been a wonderful week. Much has changed from the being an overwhelmed being running around like I was in the Hunger Games. 

The last several days were permeated with a sense of life and moments of true peace.

Each day upon waking I gave the day to God. Before I lifted my head from the pillow I asked Him what needed to be done. Then I waited until everything on my to do list became clear and I had an idea of priorities. I still made a list each night of things that needed to be accomplished, but rather than going it alone, I give that list a once over with God in mind. A couple days I tossed the list out all together in lieu of unplanned activities, a couple days it went just as planned (surprisingly) and the others it was a little of both. However, when including God on my daily planning ritual, it worked out considerable better. My house seemed to stay clean with little effort and my children helped without being bribed or threatened. I had some much needed time to spend with my mom which hasn't happened in months and was nowhere on my to-do list. 

See God really knows what I need to thrive not just survive. 

Some friends took my children and I to see "Moana" (really fun!) And last night our volunteer project for church went smoothly. There was one minor hiccup, but it was rectified almost immediately.

I may actually like this whole "letting God in" routine. In the past each morning I would wake up and ask God what He wanted me to do in my world today and then I would go about my business. Somewhere along the way this practice ceased and life took over. It is so easy to let good routines slip away and let negligent patterns and faulty thinking take over. While my laundry is still a little behind, my truck needed repairs, my children still haven't finished school, and I did not made it to the grocery store yesterday, life has been good to me this week. Each of these occurrences would have been a huge wrench in my planning, they didn't seem to throw off God's plan. There will always be laundry, that's just life; my truck was fixed with the help of my brother and my dad; we will get school done today, hopefully; and there is still plenty of food in the house.

Since beautiful things inspire me, I drew out (literally) a task list for the week. Decidedly choosing one task to accomplish each day, will hopefully be an easy way to create a routine with God's help. The list is simple, after considering what is going on, where I will be each day and keeping in mind my goal to allow God in, I chose to clean one room in my house each day. Moving furniture to vacuum, clearing clutter from shelves, tossing out unused items and taking it one day at a time.

Here's to a beautiful week, celebrating life with my husband and daughters, finding small moments of peace and relying on my Savior.

Have a wonderful week, smile at a stranger and hug a friend.
Merry Almost Christmas.

To Plan or Not to Plan

When to let go of that schedule and let life happen.

Plans are made to be broken, or is it rules. Either way nothing this year has gone according to my plan. So, God may have thought all this through and has a genius objective hiding somewhere out of my sight, but until its full disclosure I walk with blind faith. Not for big picture points but for an everyday awareness that I am not in control. I have not been in control even when I felt as though it was all playing out just the way it had been arranged to. Like an orchestra that flows from one sound to the next with ease, this way my life last year. But 2016 has brought an entirely different production to the stage. 

Still remaining encouraged, still praying, still hoping, and yet disconnected in a way that is unprecedented, I move forward.

The Lord of all the universe has seen the depth of the situation and knows where this road turns, ends and merges into the next. As I continue on this adventure with God I will write the thoughts and the ideas that help me move day to day in hopes to clarify for myself and help others facing similar circumstances. Together, with God, I will walk onto the next path better and wiser. In the meantime, I will continue to plan with the help of God, ask for His guidance, and watch as things go in a terribly different direction than what I put on paper. 

Daily tasks will be thoughtfully penned onto pretty notebook paper, cleaning lists will so carefully be constructed, menus arranged and groceries bought, all to find that life throws curve balls and almost none of this will go as I thought. 

So join me as I figure out how to let some of that type A personality slowly adapt into a calmer, free flowing spirit that can plan just as easily as go with the flow. 

This year has taught me that it imperative to have a plan, but that life can happen when you least expect it. Today I will write in my home binder all the things that need to be accomplished and then I will allow freedom for exchanges and substitutions of these carefully drawn outlines to life. It is okay to let my husband bring home popcorn chicken and eat it around the coffee table as we sing Christmas carols instead of sticking to a rigid schedule of always eating our meals at the dining room table like a proper family. One day I will find a balance between planning and letting go, but today I will just step out and trust God's plan more than my own. 

Always,

Stephanie