Exhaustion or Exhilaration

God has blessed my family with a new home. Yay! It has a bit more space, an extra bedroom and fit our price range exactly.

I love when this happens, when the creator of the universe coordinates seemingly unrelated events to execute a blessing in the lives of His children.

For those of you who don't know, we live in a small home, 2 bedrooms, and have ago long outgrown this situation. While we love our house and have enjoyed making memories here, we began to pray for a bigger, more suitable home for our family size. Since all four of my daughters share one bedroom, and have done so for years, we are a very close knit group with little privacy.  Our tiny home has been enjoyable for years and we have moments when we just scream inside that we are out of space. We have never been the couple that wanted a huge home, just room to put our feet up as we watch our girls live and grow around us. This newer home is that perfect solution for us. It has three bedrooms, a bigger living area and a beautiful sliding glass door in the eat-in kitchen.

 I can't wait until we can be there creating new memories.

During this transition, we moved into our camper and began the packing process. This was going to be a very short term temporary living arrangement, think 4-5 days, that went on for over a month. (I thought the old house was small aaahhhh)

This blessing has brought me to my knees. Literally in exhaustion and spiritually in prayer for energy to make it through,. 

One Sunday after service was over and we said our goodbyes to everyone, I sat at the computer in the church office to type in four short numbers for some record keeping tasks and fell asleep, as did my whole family. I didn't realize how tired I have become in all this back and forth, staying in the camper, continuing on our regular schedule and being faced with delay after delay in the process of actually getting into our new place.

While it is an exhilarating thought to have more living area I have to ask myself, "Am I really living?"

In between soccer practice, painting, organizing kids church classes, preparing camper meals, teaching art classes and all the other worthwhile causes, I have lost it again,. Every so often I have to take an inventory of my life and do some serious cuts to the things I love. There are so many great causes to get behind, endless activities for my children to join, and less and less of myself to give to these things. So I ask myself again, am I really living? This amazing new home will be a major blessing for my family, but at the moment all I can do is beg God for the energy to get out of bed and the grace to deal with my wonderful kids. 

All to often I am here, listing the obligations I have taken on. And each time I narrow down the number to a reasonable amount, I find myself living a life of beauty and grace. 

A life where God seems to be around every corner, under every blade of grass, in the eyes of my daughters and husband. 

When was the last time I felt that way, that God was right here and I had nothing blocking my communication with Him? So I pray for all of us in this busy lifestyle, where things are so easily added, that we can all make the right choice on what is and is not important. I pray that each of us can live life the way it is meant to be, not just piling on the "good stuff" to say we have it, but really looking at those in front of us, living and growing together. God is right here with us

Reproducible Discipleship

Two years ago when my husband was hired as the pastor at our church, he was given a vision to disciple all the world as Jesus commissioned the church in Mark 15:16. Ok, so realistically, he is not going to every door in the entire land and walking them through spiritual truths and life lessons. So how does this vision come to fruition?

How do you disciple the world when you live in a small town, extremely unconnected from any metropolis and don't have a large online following? 

Through months of prayer, studying the Bible and opening conversations with other church leaders, it comes down to the easiest job ever given to the church. Discipleship is not hard, it is incredibly natural, it is an organic part of our walk in this life. Even if you are not into the Christian lifestyle, discipleship is happening, but outside the church walls it is known as mentoring. 

Here it is, the easiest way to create disciples. Develop relationships.

Let's take all the nonsense out of discipleship by making it reproducible for anyone who is interested in mentoring someone. Start by knowing that each of us should have a mentor and be a mentor. You can mentor more than one person although, I tend to only disciple a few people at a time. Considering Jesus had 12 full time disciples and didn't have a 100% success rate (remember Judas) I keep my group to no more than 5. This is not a hard cut off, because if the door was opened I would prayerfully take on more. 

Where are the disciples coming from? Those you work with, those you live next to, youth in your family or your neighborhood, really anywhere you are living, there is an opportunity to teach your skills to someone. Start with common ground. I have started mentoring through teaching someone to knit, hiking with people, creating art, cooking together; something tangible that gives the relationship a reason to exist. Then you open your heart and open a dialogue.

Begin to share life lessons, Biblical truths and always love. 

While there is a place for organized discipleship study, there is also a place for that daily learning, sharing hearts and doing life together. To share Biblical truths, start in the Bible, read through Matthew together. Study it and let it play out however long it takes. You can use a curriculum, just remember to let programs go when they have served their purpose. 

Don't let a good program take place of great relationships. 

As you walk through either one, teach those you are mentoring to find someone to mentor. The goal is to create disciples that create disciples. This is how we are going to reach the whole world. Each of reaches four or five, who all reach four or five. 

The love of God can be heard of through sermons, podcasts, videos or curriculum; however the love of God is experienced in relationships with each other.  

Holding it all in

"What is Empathy?"

I asked my daughters this question recently and got some interesting answers. My 7 year old said "Isn't it sympathy?" I asked her what she thought that meant. She thought it meant simplicity. Well apparently her word association runs off sounds. (I smile and wait for the others to answer) 

My 9 year old said, "I really don't know" An honest answer to be sure. I love when my children can be humble enough to admit they are don't have the right answers. (I'm still working on that within myself sometimes.) 

My 11 year old says as she's skipping by, "It means when someone is sad, you feel sad too." Well there it is, an answer that is close, in most cases close enough, but that's where I got myself into trouble. By being close enough to empathy and missing it altogether. 

Empathy is not feeling the same as others, but rather understanding the feelings and emotions of others. Lately I have confused this within my own life. My husband and I seem to be the people that others go to to vent, to let out their frustrations. This has been going on long before he was a pastor. All these years of listening to people, praying with them and sending encouragement their way has been a training ground for the past year. These tales come in all shapes and sizes. In part they are all tragic, difficult and even quite humorous at times.  Each prayer I have spoken, each hug given, each word of encouragement or a smile offered to those in front of me looking for a way out has begun to grow in me. Not in a beautiful way which spawns from the interaction with the other souls wandering this planet, but in a heavy way of not knowing how to solve the problem or rid them of all their tears.

Along the way I have forgotten that I am not here to fix everything, but to simply be a servant to help the hurting find their way to the One who can fix it. 

The last part of 2017 brought with it many tears through a series of tragic events surrounding my family.  While my family has come across this tumultuous sea seemingly unscathed, I continue to encounter those whose faces hold a dark grief that won't heal, in both faces of acquaintances and those deeply close to my heart.  Through each of these days I have prayed for the hurting, listened to those weeping, made dinners for the grieving all the while piling their burdens on my shoulders thinking I had the way out or that I was stronger than them in this moment.

When did I begin to think that I could fix everything and be there for everyone? 

It is impossible to look another human in the eyes and not see the pain and joy they hold, that is one reason we gather in groups. It is built into our human nature to be part of a community and I believe it is for this reason here. When we are hurting we can reach out to those around us to pickup the slack when we can't take another step for the day. The trouble I have found myself in as of late is that I have been picking up the slack for so many people, even those who have not asked and won't let go of the pain I know they are feeling. It is one thing to act in empathy towards one another, to understand why we have bad days and offer grace to those hurting. It is quite another to think I can fix it all. 

Just like my 8 year olf, who confused the definition, I have also confused it, not on paper, rather in practice. It has taken me some personal time of reflection to let go of the pain these people are feeling and allow them to walk through the healing process that we have all walked through at some point in our lives.  

It is not my place to take on my neighbors suffering, it is my assignment to offer understanding, to be gracious when they run out of courteous words or actions while toiling through their personal battles.

I will continue to think of those struggling each day, wondering if there will be enough money to make rent, or staring at the empty seat across the table, or drudging through the debris of a failing marriage. I can not fix everything. I can only be there when called on and trust that God will fill in the gaps where community fails. 
I challenge you to look your neighbor in the eye and truly listen to them speak to you. Make a conscious effort to notice those around you in the stores, the gas station everywhere you exist. These are not just the faces of empty strangers, but the faces of creation just as you are. Don't take on their troubles, rather listen to them, hear their cries, point them in the right direction, pass out smiles and hugs, make dinners, and most importantly pray. Try not to fall into this place where, like me, you take responsibility for other people's well-being, it is not your job, not mine. It is God's and God's alone to help them in the depth of their soul, where only He can reach. 

Be blessed and find something beautiful. If you can't, then create something beautiful.