"What is Empathy?"
I asked my daughters this question recently and got some interesting answers. My 7 year old said "Isn't it sympathy?" I asked her what she thought that meant. She thought it meant simplicity. Well apparently her word association runs off sounds. (I smile and wait for the others to answer)
My 9 year old said, "I really don't know" An honest answer to be sure. I love when my children can be humble enough to admit they are don't have the right answers. (I'm still working on that within myself sometimes.)
My 11 year old says as she's skipping by, "It means when someone is sad, you feel sad too." Well there it is, an answer that is close, in most cases close enough, but that's where I got myself into trouble. By being close enough to empathy and missing it altogether.
Empathy is not feeling the same as others, but rather understanding the feelings and emotions of others. Lately I have confused this within my own life. My husband and I seem to be the people that others go to to vent, to let out their frustrations. This has been going on long before he was a pastor. All these years of listening to people, praying with them and sending encouragement their way has been a training ground for the past year. These tales come in all shapes and sizes. In part they are all tragic, difficult and even quite humorous at times. Each prayer I have spoken, each hug given, each word of encouragement or a smile offered to those in front of me looking for a way out has begun to grow in me. Not in a beautiful way which spawns from the interaction with the other souls wandering this planet, but in a heavy way of not knowing how to solve the problem or rid them of all their tears.
Along the way I have forgotten that I am not here to fix everything, but to simply be a servant to help the hurting find their way to the One who can fix it.
The last part of 2017 brought with it many tears through a series of tragic events surrounding my family. While my family has come across this tumultuous sea seemingly unscathed, I continue to encounter those whose faces hold a dark grief that won't heal, in both faces of acquaintances and those deeply close to my heart. Through each of these days I have prayed for the hurting, listened to those weeping, made dinners for the grieving all the while piling their burdens on my shoulders thinking I had the way out or that I was stronger than them in this moment.
When did I begin to think that I could fix everything and be there for everyone?
It is impossible to look another human in the eyes and not see the pain and joy they hold, that is one reason we gather in groups. It is built into our human nature to be part of a community and I believe it is for this reason here. When we are hurting we can reach out to those around us to pickup the slack when we can't take another step for the day. The trouble I have found myself in as of late is that I have been picking up the slack for so many people, even those who have not asked and won't let go of the pain I know they are feeling. It is one thing to act in empathy towards one another, to understand why we have bad days and offer grace to those hurting. It is quite another to think I can fix it all.
Just like my 8 year olf, who confused the definition, I have also confused it, not on paper, rather in practice. It has taken me some personal time of reflection to let go of the pain these people are feeling and allow them to walk through the healing process that we have all walked through at some point in our lives.
I will continue to think of those struggling each day, wondering if there will be enough money to make rent, or staring at the empty seat across the table, or drudging through the debris of a failing marriage. I can not fix everything. I can only be there when called on and trust that God will fill in the gaps where community fails.
I challenge you to look your neighbor in the eye and truly listen to them speak to you. Make a conscious effort to notice those around you in the stores, the gas station everywhere you exist. These are not just the faces of empty strangers, but the faces of creation just as you are. Don't take on their troubles, rather listen to them, hear their cries, point them in the right direction, pass out smiles and hugs, make dinners, and most importantly pray. Try not to fall into this place where, like me, you take responsibility for other people's well-being, it is not your job, not mine. It is God's and God's alone to help them in the depth of their soul, where only He can reach.
Be blessed and find something beautiful. If you can't, then create something beautiful.
Just like my 8 year olf, who confused the definition, I have also confused it, not on paper, rather in practice. It has taken me some personal time of reflection to let go of the pain these people are feeling and allow them to walk through the healing process that we have all walked through at some point in our lives.
It is not my place to take on my neighbors suffering, it is my assignment to offer understanding, to be gracious when they run out of courteous words or actions while toiling through their personal battles.
I will continue to think of those struggling each day, wondering if there will be enough money to make rent, or staring at the empty seat across the table, or drudging through the debris of a failing marriage. I can not fix everything. I can only be there when called on and trust that God will fill in the gaps where community fails.
I challenge you to look your neighbor in the eye and truly listen to them speak to you. Make a conscious effort to notice those around you in the stores, the gas station everywhere you exist. These are not just the faces of empty strangers, but the faces of creation just as you are. Don't take on their troubles, rather listen to them, hear their cries, point them in the right direction, pass out smiles and hugs, make dinners, and most importantly pray. Try not to fall into this place where, like me, you take responsibility for other people's well-being, it is not your job, not mine. It is God's and God's alone to help them in the depth of their soul, where only He can reach.
Be blessed and find something beautiful. If you can't, then create something beautiful.
