Sonder

I tend to avoid made up words, however this one calls to me. It is found in the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, similar to the Urban Dictionary. 

Sonder is the sudden realization that everyone around you has a complex and vivid life. 

This occurs in my mind quite often. I think of those around me while stopped at red lights, or while waiting in line to buy my groceries. Maybe its my way of passing time. This last week that was taken one step further when I realized that not only do all of these beautiful faces I pass have lives attached to them, they also hurt and experience pain. 

Why have I never thought of this before. Each smile or scowl found on a strangers face represents an event that I may never know about. 

I did the only thing I knew how to do in that instant.. I began praying for each person I passed. I asked God to speak to them where they are, meet the need to a problem they are facing and being peace to those who appeared tormented. In some way I began to feel better that maybe my silent requests to God were actually doing good in their lives. Then I began to pray more specifically about those I know, the situations I am aware of. 

At this my heart broke. I nearly began to cry right there in the grocery store. 

The thought of people I know facing trials of various kinds gave me another overwhelmed feeling. How does God keep all this straight? How can He support those who are hurting and rejoice with those who are victorious? Well first, He is God... I mean come on. Then the idea that we are all here together gave me hope. God will use each one of us to be that solid rock for the mother who just lost her child, or that smile and laughter for the couple who just married. We are the hands and feet of God. 

If you are close enough to share oxygen with someone, you are close enough to effect their life. Will your influence be one people look forward to, or will it be one to avoid?

Each day presents an opportunity to share life with family, friends, strangers. MY daughter makes it a point to give a compliments to each person she interacts with. Not everyone takes this well but most people do. In addition to praying for those in close proximity or those in your heart, I encourage you to take time for a smile. Give away as many as you can, they're free after all.

Where in the world?

So I know it has been a while since the last post and I would like to say that it is because I have been so busy since that seems like a valid reason for skipping out on most obligations or commitments. Well, truth be told, I have been busy, but I was busy when I wrote the last one, so that is not the reason for avoiding this page. The real reason lies somewhere in the imagined reality that I have created to shield myself from being to vulnerable.

It is scary to write and have thoughts, normally hidden from the rest of humanity, put to paper and exposed to the world. (or in my case the few of you who have chosen to read this) 

So after seeing the number of readers grow, I freaked out. I know, isn't the whole reason for a blog so people can read your ideas and share them and in turn become rich and famous? Perhaps that holds true for most bloggers out there, however in my case I am doing this because I am reminded of the need to step out of my comfort zone and experience situations and events I generally hide from. So I am back, until my brain decides to rationalize the need to run back to my cave and hide from the big scary world, which hopefully does not happen again.

It is so easy to stay in the routine of life and avoid those people or places that are unfamiliar while pretending to be a strong woman, full of vigor and life, ready to tackle the biggest challenges. And while that may hold a flicker of truth, in reality I only take on what i know I can beat.

It is hard to start a project or follow through with a dream not knowing if it will turn out as expected. 

I have encountered a few people in whom no fear exists, or at least this is the appearance from my point of view. These select few can run out into the dark unknown and take over the situation with resolve that comes from some undisclosed source. I am reminded of the story of Paul and Barnabas in the Acts 13:2-3 of the Bible. 

"While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, 'Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.' So after they had fasted and prayed, they placed their hands on them and sent them off." 

They were sent out to a place they had not previously lived. There is so much in the small word of the Bible that can be missed if rushing through and hitting the highlights. Here it says they were fasting when they heard the call. The two did not immediately get up and run from the building to go out into all the world. First they finished the task at hand, they finished fasting and praying. Again, the two did not rush along to the call of taking the Gospel across the world, they sought the support of their companions, their friends. In the last line it says "they placed their hands on them and sent them off"

The two Apostles sought out their friends for prayer and support before heading out. 

Were Paul and Barnabas nervous to go out and preach the good news to far away lands? What were they thinking when the Holy Spirit spoke to them? I can tell you I would have been sandwiched between excitement and resistance. To have the opportunity of being chosen to do such an amazing job, to take the news of Jesus to those who hadn't heard before would have thrilled my heart. On the other hand, to face unknown places and people would have sent my mind into overdrive on the what if's. Isn't that what really hold us all back, the what if's? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I can't remember where to find the scripture when asked a question? What if I fail miserably? What if the business doesn't take off. What if this marriage plunders? In all we do, whether for the Gospel or for daily living, the thought of what could happen often gives way to not trying. Is it really easier to just put off the dream so we don't fail. I could insert a number of quotes about how failure is the lack of trying and mistakes only make us stronger, but I want to leave you with this. I understand the need to keep the boat steady and stay in charted waters close to home, but great things happen when we venture past our fears, our what if's and move into a place of living outside our cushy chairs. So shut off Netflix, look past your phone and see the wonder of the world waiting for you to leave your mark. 

Pray Without Ceasing

"Teach me the patience of unanswered prayers" 

During our homeschool hours my family studies hymns, choosing a new one each month, and this month's has been eye opening. My daughters and I have been listening to "Spirit of God Descend Upon My Heart" written by George Croly. This line, above, brings me to my knees in humility. God always answers our prayer, albeit not always as we hope. There are times He says no or to wait on Him a little longer. How dare I say to God that I want my answer now, when He has a purpose for for this trial I am in? So looking forward to see how much more appreciation will come after the testing produces perseverance in my soul, I wait for the result while learning along the journey.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 

It is incredibly hard to rejoice when I look at the situations occurring in my family. Now I could list all that I am dealing with, but let's face it, we are all going through something that is testing us. The testing of our faith produces perseverance (James 1:3) This pain and this trial will make each of us a better person, it will build our character, but it sucks is dreadful right now. There is no time limit on God's tests, but for a year I have prayed vigorously only to have my cries met with silence. During this time, I have seen God move in ways that were helpful and encouraging, but not in the answer I need, okay, want. 

Rejoice Always

So I ask myself a question, not to be rhetorical or pitiful, rather to truly find the answer. How can I rejoice right now, knowing what I know, about the situation I lift up in prayer to God each day. Well, the answer came to me almost too easily; the joy of a Christian is not based on outside circumstances. If my husband never finds full time work, I will still serve God and trust Him. God was not shocked by the circumstances of this last year, He was not caught off guard with the second job loss, instead He knew these were coming. He knew then and He knows now what is next. So I can rejoice that He loves me and hears my prayers and has a plan for my family. 

Pray Without Ceasing

There are times when asking someone to pray feels like a cheap imitation of the real thing. We all know at least one person who will filibuster the prayer service with empty words that are redundant so they don't "lose the floor." 😉If I talk to God all the time, will I run out of things to say, will I become redundant? The answer is no, plain and simple, no. Talking to God and taking time to listen will only grow and deepen the relationship with Him. While we  can't get on our knees with our eyes closed every minute of the day, we can bring our thoughts to God. Prayer without ceasing is more of a habit of taking all things to God, in all situations. It is not about filling the air with nonsense, its not an attempt to obstruct God from hearing someone else,
through big words and grand gestures. Prayer is pouring my heart out to the One that can do something about it. 

Give thanks in all circumstances

This may come across as being an optimist at heart. That's not it exactly, giving thanks for all circumstances is vastly different than giving thanks in all circumstances. I don't thank God for the health issues my husband faces, I thank Him for the support and guidance as we figure it out. I don't thank God for low income, I thank Him as we dream, plan and take action for more. 

It is possible to rejoice during hard times, to pray when everything is spinning out of control and to thank God for things unseen. Its not always easy, but it always possible. 

Have a beautiful week

Stephanie

Cultivating Faithfulness

Over the summer I had the opportunity to visit a friend in Missouri. She lives in a beautiful place, full of lush green grass, majestic trees and smiling faces. While we were there, us ladies went to the local winery. This land was filled with skilled landscaping, and a handsome deck overlooking the valley. It was just the sort of rest I needed, a break from the rough patch my family was in, and far away from the coarse dirt where I live.  I can only image the amount of work and hours of labor it took to create and to maintain this serene landing. I was thinking of this small town while focusing on Psalm 37:3 last week each day as I went about my normal, somewhat sporadic, routine. 

"Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness."

The things I learned from reading this verse, writing it down each night, and meditating on it throughout the day, are more than I could write in one post. a short post anyway...  

My life right now is not where I thought it would be a year ago. 12 months ago my husband had a good job and we had a goal we were working towards. By the end of January 2016, he had been laid off due to a reduction of force, and our life changed dramatically. We were not completely caught off guard, as our community has been facing a rapid decline for a while, so we had a back up plan. A few changes in our lifestyle, and we were fine...for a few months anyway. As the seasons changed from winter to spring to summer, we were starting to feel the tightening in our home. Just in the nick of time my husband landed a job! Thank God! I went to work creating a new plan that would get us back on track in no time at all. Just two and half months into this job, he was fired. What!

This can't be possible, to lose two jobs in one year. So out went the plan, again. 

Not much has changed since that dreadful day in November, but we are still here. I have been trying to switch my focus to what I have, not what we need. A small, yet effective part of throwing out the plan and refocusing, has been a weekly memory verse. But it has become so much more than that. I think about the verse, put it on my fridge, read it over and over, and study it. 

"Trust in the Lord"

God has shown me that it is not my job to plan the future. It is my job to trust His plan for my future, and the future of my family.  It is imperative to believe the God of the universe, the creator of my family and myself, had a plan when He put us here. It is easy to say "I trust God" when you have the money in the bank and a plan with potential to work out. When these two things are lacking, and there seems to be no way to get to that point, that is when truly trusting God comes into play. 

 "and do good"

Another layer to this verse is "do good."  Laying aside my plans and ideas was not so easy for me to do. I begrudgingly tossed my planning notebook aside but did not off my complaints. Waking up each day was getting harder and harder. I found us all sleeping in a little more each day. Along with the heavy sleep cycle my family was caught in, the chores and home tasks began to slide away. At one point, I looked around my house and saw chaos. It hit me that God is not a God of chaos, He has a plan. Things not going my way did not give me the privilege to throw a fit like a small child. I had to change my cycle and begin to do good. 

"Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness"

Until something changes in my circumstance, I am where I am. We no longer have a solid executable plan to buy a bigger house so my four children don't have to share a single bed

room. We will continue to drive an older vehicle with minor issues. While I look forward to the day when my dreams come to fruition, I can be here and now and still be faithful to where God has placed me. Today is just as important as the future, if not more. Choices made today will direct the path I go down tomorrow. I can be faithful in my small house and take extra care with my vehicle. For a short time, I found it hard to dream, to look ahead with anticipation, but now I can see my family in a new home, a newer vehicle and still serving God with all the faithfulness we are cultivating today. 

God is teaching me to worship in my home, not just at church. That reading the Bible is vital to me existence, and memory verses are not just for Sunday school. 

I pray this encourages you to move ahead even if that means being content staying where God has you now. 

Stephanie