Offense

Children fight with each other for what seems like the silliest reasons. Mine are no different, even as I am typing this, I have had to stop already to intervene in a battle over who can use the shiny mechanical pencil. (Are you kidding me?!?) For the past year and a half, I interrupt my girls fighting with one question.

“Is this clash important or can you use all that energy to debate something that will change lives, like end human trafficking or solve world hunger?”

More often than not, they stop and realize what they have chosen to be mad over is not worth the hate they are putting out there. This week I threw another question in the mix after they have resolved to stop fighting, asking my girls “What is Good?”  Simple enough, but this has challenged them to really consider in the aftermath of the fight.  Taking it one step further, they now consider that their fight may not be worthwhile, and they have to think about something good in their life.

I have just about quit watching or reading the news. I am down to getting highlights from two daily five-minute podcasts from both sides of the spectrum. While this may leave me out of the loop, it has also lightened my load of superfluous hate being spread through politically aligned news feeds filling my screen.  I want to gather everyone into the same room and ask them, “Is this clash important or can you use all that energy to debate something that will change lives, like end human trafficking or solve world hunger?” and “What is good?”

One job I have as a follower of Christ is to share the good with as many people as I can. To show each individual the love that is overwhelmingly good, the love from God that keeps us and restores us. Mark 16:15 say, “Go into all the world and proclaim the Gospel to the whole creation.” Gospel is the Old English translation of the Bible that simply means Good News.

What is the good news?  In one word it is Love. Simple, unassuming, love.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in Him would not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

The Good News of God’s love is our goal, to be that love for people both inside and outside the church. My husband is great at this, telling everyone that Jesus loves them. It comes so naturally, and he is unafraid to show that love to people.  Surprisingly, I am not great with the words portion of this, due in part to my fearful introverted side, but I keep in mind to show love as I move about my day. No, I’m not perfect at this and yes I do get angry, especially at the person on the phone thinking they are driving remarkably, while constantly crossing that delicate yellow line meant to protect us from each other. (that’s a whole other story)

How can we show love? Going forward, I challenge you to figure out if the differences we see in people is worth a fight, then ask yourself, “What is Good?”  

It is hard to look someone in the eye and hate that person if you see them through the lens of God’s Love.

Have a blessed day and look for the beauty among the rubble.

Balance

Trees are fascinating.... to watch, to climb, to listen to, to sketch, to sit under.

I am drawn to their natural balance, inspired by the patterns found as the limbs grow in opposite directions and the roots spread undetected beneath the soil.

A few years ago I planted a half dead willow tree in my front yard, dutifully nursed it back to health and watched it recover. This little sapling grew into a fierce beast able to withstand the elements while maintaining it's serenity. It freely dances in the constant breeze and is able to hold a yoga pose in the intense high desert wind that tears through our little valley, all the while, the leaves, along for the ride, are singing in harmony as they fight to stay aboard the shifting limbs.

Once a year I trim the straggly branches  that are not pleasing to the eye or that have altered the shape I desire from it. This had proven to be a challenging goal to attain. The same wind that send my front yard into full choral arrangement also beats against the west side creating a permanent bend in the trunk. (oh I know what you green thumbs are thinking and I did put additional support with fence posts and rope when it was a sapling, but the perpetual blasts of wind were simply too much)

The tree stands, misshapen, but still she stands with a tall unique silhouette marking the north side of my home. 

While the top visible part shows imperfection to even the untrained eye, that which cannot be seen holds the tree in it's place, immovable even in the toughest gusts. This is the best part.  At least half the tree is underground, where no one can see it, no one can hurt it, no one can change it. Aw, to be like a tree, to hide most of myself in the ground, safe and simply left to grow. But I can be like this, by storing my dreams in the hands of God, placing my fears upon the footstool of The Almighty.

My strength comes from that which cannot be seen by the world.

As I move and change within this world, I make mistakes that can unbalance my existence and draft a haphazard silhouette. As time changes the seasons and I allow God to have His way, the lopsided branches are trimmed and the roots grow stronger.  Knowing this I can ask, "Am I ready to place my growth into the hands of the one who designed my pattern." If I truly hand over my path to the Creator, I will find that less of me will require trimmings and more of myself will be rooted in His Almighty plan.  

In the meantime I practice finding and walking in balance.  I have yet to maintain harmonious balance for long stretches of time however I have enjoyed the moments where that happens. When the balance of sharing and secluding my thoughts and dreams are on track, still, more often than not it's all or nothing. I either spew everything out on the table leaving the room in disgust at the amount of nonsense that just rolled across their path, or I shut everyone out and hide from the world.

So where is that balance?

How do I keep my roots hidden in the Lord while living a visible life in front of people?

This is my prayer for all of us fighting to honor our time, our family, our church, our job, (and the list goes on) that we each find the balance of resting and rooting in God while growing outwardly and taking His love with us. 

Have a blessed day.

Dress up?

The majority of my week is spent homeschooling my daughters, watching them struggle in one subject and conquer another. This is the greatest joy of my homeschooling journey, being a part of each win the moment it happens. When my daughter who has fought to learn to read, finally "got it" she danced and jumped with abandon throughout the house. Another daughter so enamored with the romanticism of algebra that she covered my mirror is dry erase equations because the paper was too small to hold this new knowledge. Getting to see the look in my youngest's eyes, as she tries to keep up with her sisters memorizing state flags and continents, winning at the who can answer first game. The look of "the win" is so authentic, so capturing that it drives me to keep going when I want to throw in the towel. It inspires me to try harder on the days each of us are so distracted by the beautiful weather outside, or the sledding hill finally covered in enough snow to coast down. 

Its the win that drives me to keep moving ahead. 

As children do, my daughters mimic what they see me doing by playing school in the room, on the trampoline, even while camping. I hear them laying out lesson plans, and pretending to search the web for that just so right unit study on frogs, or tutor each other through fake subjects with side by side writing in the dirt. The problem is, when they win at this version of school there is no rejoicing, there is no smile. There is no light shining from their eyes, because the win is fake, the result of nothing truly materializing. It didn't go on the transcript, it didn't mean anything other than being a great way to spend an afternoon, a wonderful time killer. 

When they play school, there is no celebration of the wins, because the experience is a forgery.

This began my mind reeling with the idea that I, too, may be playing at life. I asked myself, "How often do I "play" at Christianity?" My initial instinct is to say, "Never, not me, I'm solid." The reality is that I have caught myself on more than one occasion acting like a Christian more than thinking like one. My mind will be telling me that this situation is impossible while outwardly I express my trust in the Omnipotent God. The result of hours spent as a youth pretending o be something I wasn't, I suppose.

As a child I dressed up to become new and exciting characters in life, as a young teenager, I hid my truest thoughts wanting to skate by unseen by those milling in the school hallways around me. Even into adulthood, not knowing who can be trusted with the truth of who I am, too afraid of the vulnerability that left access to my fragile heart.

When my husband officially went into church leadership, out lives became a swirl of tasks mixed with the weight of responsibility over those who are involved in the ministry he leads. The fresh excitement wore off, as it too often does when taking on a new role, leaving me with a list that seemed to grow faster than I could have foreseen alongside a profusion of complaints about the job we were doing and suggestions of how to do things better. It has even gone as far as people expressing opinions on how we ought to run our private life. the result, a total sum leaving me hurt and lonely. I found myself running from the real thing to act out a scenario with no tangible results.

The last two years have shown that I know nothing, I am lost as to what step to take next, because I have found myself playing at Christianity more than living it.

It is easier to play at a task than truly engage in it because if you get hurt, simply put all the toys away and imagine a new scenario next time. 

Its time to evaluate if I am asking God to speak and with a servants heart listen, or am I putting on the oversized clothes and shoes of those who have gone before and mimicking their behavior. 

When the battle is real, the devastation is real, however, the victory is genuine. Its time to put away the dress up clothes and start being a true Christ follower, allowing God to capture our hearts and experience the unfeigned victory in all our Savior has planned.   

Exhaustion or Exhilaration

God has blessed my family with a new home. Yay! It has a bit more space, an extra bedroom and fit our price range exactly.

I love when this happens, when the creator of the universe coordinates seemingly unrelated events to execute a blessing in the lives of His children.

For those of you who don't know, we live in a small home, 2 bedrooms, and have ago long outgrown this situation. While we love our house and have enjoyed making memories here, we began to pray for a bigger, more suitable home for our family size. Since all four of my daughters share one bedroom, and have done so for years, we are a very close knit group with little privacy.  Our tiny home has been enjoyable for years and we have moments when we just scream inside that we are out of space. We have never been the couple that wanted a huge home, just room to put our feet up as we watch our girls live and grow around us. This newer home is that perfect solution for us. It has three bedrooms, a bigger living area and a beautiful sliding glass door in the eat-in kitchen.

 I can't wait until we can be there creating new memories.

During this transition, we moved into our camper and began the packing process. This was going to be a very short term temporary living arrangement, think 4-5 days, that went on for over a month. (I thought the old house was small aaahhhh)

This blessing has brought me to my knees. Literally in exhaustion and spiritually in prayer for energy to make it through,. 

One Sunday after service was over and we said our goodbyes to everyone, I sat at the computer in the church office to type in four short numbers for some record keeping tasks and fell asleep, as did my whole family. I didn't realize how tired I have become in all this back and forth, staying in the camper, continuing on our regular schedule and being faced with delay after delay in the process of actually getting into our new place.

While it is an exhilarating thought to have more living area I have to ask myself, "Am I really living?"

In between soccer practice, painting, organizing kids church classes, preparing camper meals, teaching art classes and all the other worthwhile causes, I have lost it again,. Every so often I have to take an inventory of my life and do some serious cuts to the things I love. There are so many great causes to get behind, endless activities for my children to join, and less and less of myself to give to these things. So I ask myself again, am I really living? This amazing new home will be a major blessing for my family, but at the moment all I can do is beg God for the energy to get out of bed and the grace to deal with my wonderful kids. 

All to often I am here, listing the obligations I have taken on. And each time I narrow down the number to a reasonable amount, I find myself living a life of beauty and grace. 

A life where God seems to be around every corner, under every blade of grass, in the eyes of my daughters and husband. 

When was the last time I felt that way, that God was right here and I had nothing blocking my communication with Him? So I pray for all of us in this busy lifestyle, where things are so easily added, that we can all make the right choice on what is and is not important. I pray that each of us can live life the way it is meant to be, not just piling on the "good stuff" to say we have it, but really looking at those in front of us, living and growing together. God is right here with us

Reproducible Discipleship

Two years ago when my husband was hired as the pastor at our church, he was given a vision to disciple all the world as Jesus commissioned the church in Mark 15:16. Ok, so realistically, he is not going to every door in the entire land and walking them through spiritual truths and life lessons. So how does this vision come to fruition?

How do you disciple the world when you live in a small town, extremely unconnected from any metropolis and don't have a large online following? 

Through months of prayer, studying the Bible and opening conversations with other church leaders, it comes down to the easiest job ever given to the church. Discipleship is not hard, it is incredibly natural, it is an organic part of our walk in this life. Even if you are not into the Christian lifestyle, discipleship is happening, but outside the church walls it is known as mentoring. 

Here it is, the easiest way to create disciples. Develop relationships.

Let's take all the nonsense out of discipleship by making it reproducible for anyone who is interested in mentoring someone. Start by knowing that each of us should have a mentor and be a mentor. You can mentor more than one person although, I tend to only disciple a few people at a time. Considering Jesus had 12 full time disciples and didn't have a 100% success rate (remember Judas) I keep my group to no more than 5. This is not a hard cut off, because if the door was opened I would prayerfully take on more. 

Where are the disciples coming from? Those you work with, those you live next to, youth in your family or your neighborhood, really anywhere you are living, there is an opportunity to teach your skills to someone. Start with common ground. I have started mentoring through teaching someone to knit, hiking with people, creating art, cooking together; something tangible that gives the relationship a reason to exist. Then you open your heart and open a dialogue.

Begin to share life lessons, Biblical truths and always love. 

While there is a place for organized discipleship study, there is also a place for that daily learning, sharing hearts and doing life together. To share Biblical truths, start in the Bible, read through Matthew together. Study it and let it play out however long it takes. You can use a curriculum, just remember to let programs go when they have served their purpose. 

Don't let a good program take place of great relationships. 

As you walk through either one, teach those you are mentoring to find someone to mentor. The goal is to create disciples that create disciples. This is how we are going to reach the whole world. Each of reaches four or five, who all reach four or five. 

The love of God can be heard of through sermons, podcasts, videos or curriculum; however the love of God is experienced in relationships with each other.  

Holding it all in

"What is Empathy?"

I asked my daughters this question recently and got some interesting answers. My 7 year old said "Isn't it sympathy?" I asked her what she thought that meant. She thought it meant simplicity. Well apparently her word association runs off sounds. (I smile and wait for the others to answer) 

My 9 year old said, "I really don't know" An honest answer to be sure. I love when my children can be humble enough to admit they are don't have the right answers. (I'm still working on that within myself sometimes.) 

My 11 year old says as she's skipping by, "It means when someone is sad, you feel sad too." Well there it is, an answer that is close, in most cases close enough, but that's where I got myself into trouble. By being close enough to empathy and missing it altogether. 

Empathy is not feeling the same as others, but rather understanding the feelings and emotions of others. Lately I have confused this within my own life. My husband and I seem to be the people that others go to to vent, to let out their frustrations. This has been going on long before he was a pastor. All these years of listening to people, praying with them and sending encouragement their way has been a training ground for the past year. These tales come in all shapes and sizes. In part they are all tragic, difficult and even quite humorous at times.  Each prayer I have spoken, each hug given, each word of encouragement or a smile offered to those in front of me looking for a way out has begun to grow in me. Not in a beautiful way which spawns from the interaction with the other souls wandering this planet, but in a heavy way of not knowing how to solve the problem or rid them of all their tears.

Along the way I have forgotten that I am not here to fix everything, but to simply be a servant to help the hurting find their way to the One who can fix it. 

The last part of 2017 brought with it many tears through a series of tragic events surrounding my family.  While my family has come across this tumultuous sea seemingly unscathed, I continue to encounter those whose faces hold a dark grief that won't heal, in both faces of acquaintances and those deeply close to my heart.  Through each of these days I have prayed for the hurting, listened to those weeping, made dinners for the grieving all the while piling their burdens on my shoulders thinking I had the way out or that I was stronger than them in this moment.

When did I begin to think that I could fix everything and be there for everyone? 

It is impossible to look another human in the eyes and not see the pain and joy they hold, that is one reason we gather in groups. It is built into our human nature to be part of a community and I believe it is for this reason here. When we are hurting we can reach out to those around us to pickup the slack when we can't take another step for the day. The trouble I have found myself in as of late is that I have been picking up the slack for so many people, even those who have not asked and won't let go of the pain I know they are feeling. It is one thing to act in empathy towards one another, to understand why we have bad days and offer grace to those hurting. It is quite another to think I can fix it all. 

Just like my 8 year olf, who confused the definition, I have also confused it, not on paper, rather in practice. It has taken me some personal time of reflection to let go of the pain these people are feeling and allow them to walk through the healing process that we have all walked through at some point in our lives.  

It is not my place to take on my neighbors suffering, it is my assignment to offer understanding, to be gracious when they run out of courteous words or actions while toiling through their personal battles.

I will continue to think of those struggling each day, wondering if there will be enough money to make rent, or staring at the empty seat across the table, or drudging through the debris of a failing marriage. I can not fix everything. I can only be there when called on and trust that God will fill in the gaps where community fails. 
I challenge you to look your neighbor in the eye and truly listen to them speak to you. Make a conscious effort to notice those around you in the stores, the gas station everywhere you exist. These are not just the faces of empty strangers, but the faces of creation just as you are. Don't take on their troubles, rather listen to them, hear their cries, point them in the right direction, pass out smiles and hugs, make dinners, and most importantly pray. Try not to fall into this place where, like me, you take responsibility for other people's well-being, it is not your job, not mine. It is God's and God's alone to help them in the depth of their soul, where only He can reach. 

Be blessed and find something beautiful. If you can't, then create something beautiful.

Sonder

I tend to avoid made up words, however this one calls to me. It is found in the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, similar to the Urban Dictionary. 

Sonder is the sudden realization that everyone around you has a complex and vivid life. 

This occurs in my mind quite often. I think of those around me while stopped at red lights, or while waiting in line to buy my groceries. Maybe its my way of passing time. This last week that was taken one step further when I realized that not only do all of these beautiful faces I pass have lives attached to them, they also hurt and experience pain. 

Why have I never thought of this before. Each smile or scowl found on a strangers face represents an event that I may never know about. 

I did the only thing I knew how to do in that instant.. I began praying for each person I passed. I asked God to speak to them where they are, meet the need to a problem they are facing and being peace to those who appeared tormented. In some way I began to feel better that maybe my silent requests to God were actually doing good in their lives. Then I began to pray more specifically about those I know, the situations I am aware of. 

At this my heart broke. I nearly began to cry right there in the grocery store. 

The thought of people I know facing trials of various kinds gave me another overwhelmed feeling. How does God keep all this straight? How can He support those who are hurting and rejoice with those who are victorious? Well first, He is God... I mean come on. Then the idea that we are all here together gave me hope. God will use each one of us to be that solid rock for the mother who just lost her child, or that smile and laughter for the couple who just married. We are the hands and feet of God. 

If you are close enough to share oxygen with someone, you are close enough to effect their life. Will your influence be one people look forward to, or will it be one to avoid?

Each day presents an opportunity to share life with family, friends, strangers. MY daughter makes it a point to give a compliments to each person she interacts with. Not everyone takes this well but most people do. In addition to praying for those in close proximity or those in your heart, I encourage you to take time for a smile. Give away as many as you can, they're free after all.